Birthday Syndrome

1 day before my big day
so exciting for what will happen
will be something special on that day?
What is the best gift I will receive
Who will be the first person to say it to me

There are so many question in my head
I’m so anxious for that day
Oh God, I want a perfect b’day in my life
For god sake, please give me wonderful present

Really curious for that day
I want something special
I want someone special on my bday
I wan to be the happiest person on that day
I want a perfect birthday
Will my ex-boyfriend call me at midnight?
Will he give me a nice present?
Or he too busy with his band and forget my day?
Does he remember my birthday?
That’s the point.. hope he will remember it.

Oh its all just birthday syndrome
Stupid syndrome… silly me to worry about
I have a plan with my bestfriend ..
We are going to some place…
And we’re going to have fun.. going crazy
What have to be worried??
I still have friends beside me on my birthday…
No need boyfriend… no need ex-boyfriend…

I just need couple of pals who loves me..
Who cares about me.. who really want to see me happy..
That’s will be enough for me then!

I’m too exciting for my birthday…
I love my birthday syndrome…
Even it’s a silly syndrome…waiting for my 23rd birthday…
There is no doubt to being old.. I love to being mature..

Welcome 23rd birthday.. here I come…
Have a great birthday for myself.. I’m ready for anything will be happened..

should I??

standing in the middle of crowd
feels empty and numb
voiceless and restless
trying to figure out what is it

that scar still hurts
my heart still bleeding
when I met you in coincidence
the pain is here and not yet leave

should let go
or should I say Hello?
start to pretending I’m Ok?
Better I should let u pass through


Seek my wounded heart
Hope I’ll get better soon
No memories, just put it all in box
Throw away to garbage car

I only have my present time and future…
Its already dawn, waiting for sun to come out
Shinning my wounded hear to be healed
Ready for new life…… without you.

missing u like hell

We are not together again
I know, you know, we both know
I drop you a pack of milk
Or your favorite noodle as alibi
Just want to see you

Have tried to stay away
Still couldnt help my fingers
From my celly to call you or
To send you message and find alibi
Just want to see you

I dont belong to you anymore
And you belong to her now
Please let me to see you
Really miss you like hell

Hug me
Kiss me
And I can go from your life
Still miss you like hell..
Missing you like hell..

Leave me alone..

this is my life.. Im enjoying my life.. with any doubt at all.
But why some people still intimidate my life? what is the business for them?

Sorry to say.. I was fragile..but now.. I am NOT!
I already knew how to make a deal with it... and even Im still crying sometimes.. its my own risk and responsibility.. and its not their business right? they dont have any right for interupting my loneliness..

Sometimes I just need to be alone.. I dont need all the advices.. Even they saw me cried out, it did not mean I need help..no... I just need a shoulder to cry on..and please do not say anything to me. And I will say that is a HELP for me!

I already managed my anger..just leave me alone and I will make it clear for myself and other.

I always enjoy to spend time with my friends, but doesnt mean all my time is for you guys..

Really appreciate for the understanding.. Im in recovery now.. pls dont make it worst..


Gie

waar ben jij??

couldn't help my fingers from my celly.. oh no... just want to press my speed dial.. aarrghh..
dillemmmaaa.... angie NOOOO! ingett.. PRIIDDEEE.. hahaha

begini nih kalo ga ada kerjaan di kantor.. smua system mati.. email ga bisa keluar dan ga bisa terima.. chhaakkkeeeppp! yang ada system baru nyala jam 4 sore.. yg ada LEEMMBBUUURR.. konyol dah!

ke plaza semanggi aja kali ya..skalian cari kotak itu..boleh juga tuh, drpd bengong di kantor ga bisa ngapa2in, ngubek2 you tube juga bisa mati gaya.

ko dr pagi hawa2nya gw kepikiran tuh orang terus ya.. dia baik2 aja kah? apa cm gw aja yg lagi kangen sama dia ya? hehehe.. alibi terus daaahh...

Im out,
Gie

really i do!

huuurrgghh.... perasaan itu dateng lagi ke gw...i cant handle this feeling..
after 1 week.. ga kuat juga gw..


i miss him.. really i do!
i dont care if he doesnt loves me anymore... im ok with it.


Im out,
Gie

Not mine!

I know i have to stop saying.. “Its Hurt!” and OK I will stop that! But can i stop lying to myself?? I dont think so..
I feel so empty when Im home, thats why I love my job, my office, my work partners, and even my desk! I prefer overtime than I have to be alone in my room.. or maybe I have to be on gym for 3 hours, or have to stuck in traffic.. hahaha.. suppose to be.. home sweet home.. but sorry.. not for now.. I hate to be alone.. I love to being with my friends,,

Last night, when i was late back to home,, when everybody was fall asleep, only my dogs still waiting for me.. and they welcomed me with full of love.. oh so sweet wasn’t it??
And that makes me realize,, actually Im not alone,, I have family, I have nice friends, I have 2 sweet dogs, and also.. now I have my 2nd mam.. she’s very kind to me.. And thanking God for all of these, really makes me strong, their presence makes me smile..

Yang bener2 bikin aku amaze, disaat gw lg lack in trust with my old friends (sorry have to say this), I found the trully friends in Haniya, te-em and Ade.. they both really knows me well, even im voiceless, speechless, untalkable, they knows what i feel.. knows how to face me..and how to guide me, so Im able to see the truth of life.. without any doubt and regrets.

Im a BIG GIRL in a BIG LIFE with a BIG HEART to keep moving...

Now i feel,, I gave the best for him, even if he give another shot I will give more and more..at least.. I did not do something wrong to him, I am a good and nice partner, I never cheated behind him.
And the most important is.. it ended not because of my fault, totally not mine!