Leave me alone..

this is my life.. Im enjoying my life.. with any doubt at all.
But why some people still intimidate my life? what is the business for them?

Sorry to say.. I was fragile..but now.. I am NOT!
I already knew how to make a deal with it... and even Im still crying sometimes.. its my own risk and responsibility.. and its not their business right? they dont have any right for interupting my loneliness..

Sometimes I just need to be alone.. I dont need all the advices.. Even they saw me cried out, it did not mean I need help..no... I just need a shoulder to cry on..and please do not say anything to me. And I will say that is a HELP for me!

I already managed my anger..just leave me alone and I will make it clear for myself and other.

I always enjoy to spend time with my friends, but doesnt mean all my time is for you guys..

Really appreciate for the understanding.. Im in recovery now.. pls dont make it worst..


Gie

waar ben jij??

couldn't help my fingers from my celly.. oh no... just want to press my speed dial.. aarrghh..
dillemmmaaa.... angie NOOOO! ingett.. PRIIDDEEE.. hahaha

begini nih kalo ga ada kerjaan di kantor.. smua system mati.. email ga bisa keluar dan ga bisa terima.. chhaakkkeeeppp! yang ada system baru nyala jam 4 sore.. yg ada LEEMMBBUUURR.. konyol dah!

ke plaza semanggi aja kali ya..skalian cari kotak itu..boleh juga tuh, drpd bengong di kantor ga bisa ngapa2in, ngubek2 you tube juga bisa mati gaya.

ko dr pagi hawa2nya gw kepikiran tuh orang terus ya.. dia baik2 aja kah? apa cm gw aja yg lagi kangen sama dia ya? hehehe.. alibi terus daaahh...

Im out,
Gie

really i do!

huuurrgghh.... perasaan itu dateng lagi ke gw...i cant handle this feeling..
after 1 week.. ga kuat juga gw..


i miss him.. really i do!
i dont care if he doesnt loves me anymore... im ok with it.


Im out,
Gie

Not mine!

I know i have to stop saying.. “Its Hurt!” and OK I will stop that! But can i stop lying to myself?? I dont think so..
I feel so empty when Im home, thats why I love my job, my office, my work partners, and even my desk! I prefer overtime than I have to be alone in my room.. or maybe I have to be on gym for 3 hours, or have to stuck in traffic.. hahaha.. suppose to be.. home sweet home.. but sorry.. not for now.. I hate to be alone.. I love to being with my friends,,

Last night, when i was late back to home,, when everybody was fall asleep, only my dogs still waiting for me.. and they welcomed me with full of love.. oh so sweet wasn’t it??
And that makes me realize,, actually Im not alone,, I have family, I have nice friends, I have 2 sweet dogs, and also.. now I have my 2nd mam.. she’s very kind to me.. And thanking God for all of these, really makes me strong, their presence makes me smile..

Yang bener2 bikin aku amaze, disaat gw lg lack in trust with my old friends (sorry have to say this), I found the trully friends in Haniya, te-em and Ade.. they both really knows me well, even im voiceless, speechless, untalkable, they knows what i feel.. knows how to face me..and how to guide me, so Im able to see the truth of life.. without any doubt and regrets.

Im a BIG GIRL in a BIG LIFE with a BIG HEART to keep moving...

Now i feel,, I gave the best for him, even if he give another shot I will give more and more..at least.. I did not do something wrong to him, I am a good and nice partner, I never cheated behind him.
And the most important is.. it ended not because of my fault, totally not mine!

Read this and got the answers!!

Please read below carefully if you want to know what i feel lately ;

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
Dying inside cause I can't stand itMake or break up
Can't take this madnessWe don't even really know why
I try and try so hard
To keep our love alive
If you dont' know me at this point
Then I highly doubt you ever willI really need you to give me
That unconditional love I used to feelIt's no mistaking, we're just erasingFrom our hearts and minds

And I know we said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing meCause there ain't nothing that I can do
I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like 'Oh well'Each time you let me down
See I can't get over youNow no matter what I do, I stay in love with you

Feels so empty inside since our last kiss goodbye
Picture you in my mind and I can't seem to rationalize
The way we let it end It just don't make no sense
This cant be happening I need you back again!

You said you'd never leave me so I'll keep believing
That eventually Call it what you want it's in your eyes
We gonna make it through this i'll prove it Somethin' bout our love will not fade away
Always everlasting

In my heart I know this Ain't gonna be our last kiss
It's too big we just cant quit
What you think this is?
Our love will always exist
Listen to me Boy you know we trill
So stop frontin'
What we got is still something something
This feeling is too good to miss And ain't no kiss gonna ever be our last kiss
Too real to be the last kiss I mean, it's to big for us to quit
You know, i don't believe it's over like this

Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes byAnd soon as you reach a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And I'm right here next to youBut it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Yes, the hardest part in our life is when you have to say goodbye to someone you loved... someday he will know that Im still standing only for him..

Im not looking for the best.. Im still trying to be the best for him.. not the quantity.. but he can see my quality... he can find the prettiest girl, he can find the richest girl, the most fashionable out there... but he can only find 1 girl who will do anything for him.. J and that girl is me!!

sunshine...

im just an ordinary girl, with simple life.
im not fashionable, im not glamour girl, im not a party goers..
im not beautiful, im not gossip girl, im not a part of high class society.

well, this is me..
the important thing is..im a good girl (yes im sure about this), and i have a good job (even its really stressed out). I have the real friends, and of course family.

but.. unfortunately.. all above will be useless.. if i dont have my sun.
everyday is rainy day for me. I need my sunshine.. where it is?

ding dong!!

09.08.08 // 09.39 pm

He made decision about us.. and it is done.

Honestly, deep down in my heart.. its unacceptable for me... dan gw masih ga bisa terima.

Berat itu pasti, susah itu kenyataannya, tapi gw harus bisa menghargai apa yg sudah diputuskan. At least gw udah usaha untuk pertahanin sampe titik terakhir, even the final result is done! Gw ga mau ada penyesalan di kemudian hari Cuma karna waktu keputusan itu mau diambil, gw ga usaha untuk pertahanin apa yg udah kita punya.

Dari semua pengalaman gw, ini pertama kalinya gw harus terima “keputusan” ini dengan alasan yang susah untuk gw terima di hati dan pikiran gw. Dan ini juga pertama kalinya (dan mudah2an ini jg the last) ngotot untuk pertahanin hubungan gw. Padahal kalo ada kesempatan, berapapun harganya akan gw bayar... istilah kasarnya adalah kepala jadi kaki, dan kaki jadi kepala.. I will do it only for my someone special.

Unfortunately, hanya 1 pihak yg mau figth untuk pertahanin ini semua. Sama aja kaya tepuk tangan dengan sebelah tangan, yang ga bakal menghasilkan apa2.

Ini terlalu dalam di hati gw, semua berarti di hidup gw. Dan gw udah terlanjur punya high expectation sama hubungan ini, itu yg buat gw susah untuk berdiri lagi.

Well, aku akuin.. Im so fragile now. Smua yg udah ada.. pecah sampe ke bagian yg terkecil, dan serpihan2 ini belom bisa gw bersihin karna masih menancap di hati gw.

Dan jujur memang gw blm mau ngelepasin ini, semuanya terlalu indah dan sekarang jadi terlalu menyakitkan. And i want to keep it all in my deepest heart. Gw ga mau buang ini smua, karna gw masih punya pengharapan bahwa someday.. gw akan dipersatukan lagi dengan dia.

Gw bener2 belom bisa terima ini sebagai kenyataan,, gw masih anggep ini Cuma mimpi buruk,,dan sebentar lagi gw akan terbangun. Karna deep down in my heart.. gw masih mengharapkan dia mau berubah pikiran. Hubungan ini terlalu special, tapi gw harus ngelepasin ini.. dengan alasan demi kebaikan kita berdua. Bagi gw ini tetep bullshit. Mungkin bagi orang, kalau cinta ga harus memiliki.. tp itu ga berlaku buat gw. Buat apa lo punya perasaan cinta ke orang lain, tapi lo ga bisa share cinta lo itu ke orang yg lo cintain? Trus lo Cuma bisa keep it sendirian? Memandang dari kejauhan?? It doesnt make any sense for me. Karena dalam kamus hidup gw, once I love someone I will give anything for him dan itu total, ga setengah2. Tapi itu semua ga ada harganya lagi sekarang, karna gw ngerasa gw udah di dumped dari kehidupan dia, gw useless buat dia, gw udh ga ada artinya lagi buat hidup dia.

Dan sekarang gw musti belajar untuk terima keadaan, bahwa gw bukan pacarnya lagi dan harus terbiasa dengan batasan2 yang ada, dan yg pasti rutinitas yg harus dirubah. Ketiga hal ini yg bikin gw berat buat ngelangkah. Sekarang setiap gw kangen sama dia, gw ga bisa bilang itu ke dia, karna skrg batasan itu udh ada. Setiap gw mau tlp dia, gw harus bisa batasin juga. Setiap gw mau tau dia lagi apa dan dimana, sekarang jadi susah untuk gw lakuin, karna udah ada batasan itu. Dan ini berat buat gw.

Dia emang bilang kalau kita bisa temenan, kita masih tetep contact, bahkan masih boleh main kerumah dia, tapi tetep aja semua udh beda. Putus itu emang resiko dari menjalani sebuah hubungan, tapi kali ini bener2 sakit.

Pada intinya, gw masih blm bisa terima. Tapi gw inget satu hal, gw udah ngelakuin yg terbaik, dan harapan gw.. someday dia liat apa yg udah gw kasih. Dan ketika dia sadar, gw masih ada buat dia. Rasa sayang dan cinta gw ke dia terlalu dalam, thats why.. needs time for it. Saat ini gw lg belajar untuk pasrah sama Tuhan, dan berharap kita bisa dikasih kesempatan lagi.

GieGie

Ps : he will know how does it feel.